When one is trapped in self-quarantine, I find that one’s TV watching tastes tend to veer toward the stupid. Ozark and Killing Eve are great shows, but every time I sit down down to watch them, they just feel so heavy. I’ve decided to just go with this feeling, so I’ve been watching stuff that is either calming or just dumb instead. Tiger King? Yes! Drag Race? Always! Any show that involves British people cooking/making/repairing things? Absolutely!
All of this may help explain why I’ve been keeping a close eye on Amazon video, checking the rental status of the 2019 version of Cats every week or so. Finally, it went down to $5.99.
I saw the musical back when I was 12. I wasn’t very familiar with it; I knew there were cats and weird costumes, and that was enough for me. Imagine my surprise when two hours went by and the plot never started. At least this set me up for reasonable expectations with the 2019 movie? Kind of! The plot tossed over the musical for 2019 was flimsy and kind of questionable, but whatever! I was entertained enough and only moderately annoyed by all the puns and whatever was going on with Taylor Swift’s British accent. (Was she supposed to be sexy? Why do we need a cat to be “sexy”?)
But where were the Siamese cats? How are you gonna tell me that one of the most popular breeds on Earth just “happened” to not appear anywhere in the movie? Why not make Macavity a Meezer instead of a Havana Brown? He could still have bright eyes (blue instead of green) but with the added benefit of not looking like Idris Elba running around naked.
Why not at least have some meezers in the chorus? Just give color points to a couple of background dancers? Were there ever meezers in the original? I googled “Siamese cats in Cats musical” and found…this:
Oh. Oh no. Nooooooo. The meezers appear as part of Growltiger’s Last Stand and seem to serve as “representation of everything Asian mooshed into one group.” Oh nooooooooo.
Clearly, the makers of the 2019 film were correct to omit that little time capsule. But still, not even a meezer in the background? Modern meezers are built like ballet dancers! But….oh….wait…
If you have a Siamese cat, do you intentionally cast an Asian dancer for that role? Or do you just cast whoever does the dance the best? Is there ANY way to not make people mad in this scenario?
Probably not. No one cares if you have a Persian cat and don’t cast a person of middle eastern descent for the role. No one cares if you have a Turkish Van and don’t cast someone from Turkey. Hell, you could probably even cast an American as a British Shorthair without anyone getting a knot in their tail about it. They’re just breed names at this point, not a cultural directive.
But meezers have “branding.” MOICHENDIZING!
And you know where we’re headed. That brand includes….this.
That thing has aged worse than my nasolabial folds, and that’s a shame because the song really is catchy. When the “live action” remake of Lady and the Tramp was done, guess who got magically changed into another breed? They used a pair of Devon Rexes who inexplicably sang an R&B song. When reached for comment, the meezer community released this statement:
So what’s my point? I have no idea, except that it’s quarantine, I spend a lot of time taking walks, I am weirded out by furry, naked Idris Elba, and I thought I would share an internet k-hole with you today.
*jazz hands*
