I think it’s time to take a break from Facebook. It is October, which is supposed to be a time of fall-based joy, but I suspect it will also be a time of people endlessly posting politics on Facebook. While I think a lot of the conversation that happens on Facebook is helpful in terms of changing the dialogue or opening us up to other points of view, it can also become a place where we accidentally read the comments and stay angry for two days. I promise, I will vote. I promise, I will hang onto the productive parts of my anger. I’m just tired of paying my therapist to listen to me talk about the news. I’m tired of having Facebook remind me every day “hey, Kavanaugh is still a thing, so while we talk about this, don’t forget to think about your abusers every damn day. Also, don’t forget to throw in Brock Turner, Matt Lauer, Harvey Weinstein, and Bill Cosby. Don’t forget how, for YEARS, people said that Cosby’s accusers were all lying gold diggers, but now we hold up Cosby as an example of who not to be. Don’t forget how something like this happens every month, when there’s a lull between school shootings.”

Y’all, I promise to vote. I just need to stop listening to everybody telling me the sky is falling. I want October to be about cats, cemetery tours, cupcakes with bats on them, boots, sleeves, and the fog that hovers in the back yard early in the morning. Pumpkin spice coffee. Butternut squash soup. New babies. Old friends.

I can’t continue to watch the left divide itself (again) because it is too busy in-fighting. The independents are busy pointing out that they are not liberals. The liberals are trying out-liberal each other. Everyone has forgotten that we’re all basically on the same side. Case in point: posts about the blackout thing that happened over the weekend. I get that a lot of people thought that the blackout was pointless, and it was if the only point of it was so “men wonder where all the women are.” Most of the men I know aren’t even on Facebook, especially during the weekend, so that’s the equivalent of “I won’t show up to the party! That will show them,” but a lot of people did this for a lot of other reasons.

If you did it to say that you are fed up, I feel you. If you did it to say “I believe her,” I feel that too. If you did it because you are an angry ball of swirly emotion and you wanted to do something but you didn’t have the words or time, I feel that too. If you did it because you are angry, swirly ball but couldn’t find the words, or if you had the words and didn’t put them out there because 100 people would just immediately tell you why you were wrong or why you suck for thinking what you think, I feel you.

Call-out culture is silencing more women than black pictures ever did.

I do not think it is helpful for people who basically agree on the main point (we are sick of violence against women) to then break into two camps, one saying the other side is stupid and going about things in the wrong way, and the other side shrugging and saying “we’re just trying to do something.” I’m cool with people saying, “I wasn’t down with this, so I did this other thing instead,” but it didn’t take long for that sentiment to be replaced with “everybody who did this is stupid,” with surprisingly few exceptions.

That is not helpful.
We’re supposed to be on the same side.

I do not currently have it in me to spend October, the high holy says of goth, watching people post political ads, argue with each other, and be angry. At this point, we all know how we’re voting, and all the posting back and forth only serves to make us stay angry; there’s value in staying angry, I guess, but I find that all that anger is just tiring. Maybe instead of staying angry, instead of posting on Facebook, we should do a better job of putting our actions where our words are. Those Facebook protests are good for rallying the troops, but then you have to give the troops marching orders, or all you’ve got is an army sitting on its ass, finding ways to pick at each other. By the time the battle comes, everyone’s already tired.

I promise to stay angry. I promise to vote. I just need to take a break right now.